Showing posts with label story telling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label story telling. Show all posts

Because We Love



I know I've heard it before because it's something that sounds so familiar. Truth can do that. I may have heard stories before and maybe my brain picked up what my short term memory was overlooking, but now I really hear it. This happens all the time. This story hit me differently today.

Elder D. Todd Christofferson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles tells of a time when he was a boy and his mother came very close to death due to cancer surgery. It was painful for his mother to use her right arm because much of her neck and shoulder tissue was removed.

“One morning about a year after the surgery, my father took Mother to an appliance store and asked the manager to show her how to use a machine he had for ironing clothes,” Elder Christofferson says.

The machine operated by pressing pedals with one’s knees to lower a roller against a heated metal surface while feeding in articles of clothing. The machine made ironing easier for the mother of five boys.

“Mother was shocked when Dad told the manager they would buy the machine and then paid cash for it. Despite my father’s good income as a veterinarian, Mother’s surgery and medications had left them in a difficult financial situation, Elder Christofferson says.

“On the way home, my mother was upset: ‘How can we afford it? Where did the money come from? How will we get along now?’ Finally Dad told her that he had gone without lunches for nearly a year to save enough money. ‘Now when you iron,’ he said, ‘you won’t have to stop and go into the bedroom and cry until the pain in your arm stops.’ She didn’t know he knew about that. I was not aware of my father’s sacrifice and act of love for my mother at the time, but now that I know, I say to myself, ‘There is a man.’”



be grateful and desire good things so that you become someone great


Sometimes if we don't write things down, we forget. And the Lord didn't give us experiences and blessings so that we can forget. It's like taking all the credit for all your blessings; someone once told me that they also take credit for all the bad things so it's okay. False. Did you give birth to yourself? Give credit where credit is due. Thank God for parents who gave you life. Thank God for your physical body you were sent here to gain and protect. Thank God for giving you trials that allow you to grow and strengthen your stride. Thank God for the chance to feel love. Thank God for everything.

Even if you don't feel love, you always have that option. A Savior was part of His plan. Christ was it from the beginning. He was the strongest example. I am grateful for strong examples. The power rests within us because it's a gift. Whether or not you have the light of Christ and the manifestations of the Spirit from time to time, or whether or not you live your life under the covenant of baptism where you have it with you at all times, we are directed. Whether or not we listen and take heed is another story. We end up making choices, and good for us, but that choice is a gift. And the blessings are rewarded accordingly. All is fair in the knowledge of God. He can do what he wishes to will, but he will not recede our choice.

I think it's wise to pray to be aware of the spirit teaching you. I think it can be difficult to master how we can receive revelation, but I know all good things come from God and we will have those moments, mostly small, and some large, where we must adhere to the promptings. Even when you think you're crazy. Even when you have no clue if you did anything significant. I think the world could use a little more people trying to do what is right.

For example.

I saved half of my lunch instead of being a pig the other day. I thought I could save it for later, but I also had the idea of giving it to a person on the sidewalk if the opportunity arose. Thinking back to a time where I admired a friend for doing the same, I've always wanted to make sure I was that person. So after several blocks a woman came up to me and asked if I had any food on me. Without even thinking I smiled, said yes and gave her the bag. I don't believe she even said thank you, but I think she was just shocked. I hope she ate it, but ya know, that doesn't matter. The Lord provided her with a way to eat lunch that day, even if she still had a long way to go before she would not have to beg for food any longer. Maybe the fact that I was nice, or someone on the sidewalk saw it and it changed them. Who knows, and again, it doesn't matter. What matters is that I was prepared to help those in need. Even when not seemingly grand; a used lunch - woopdie do.

For example.

I am not the best at going out of my way to talk to people, so when I do, I know the Lord is using me in a way that is more purposeful. There is reason. So I turned around to this girl this one time at institute. I had not seen her before, but that was the case with half of the room. I introduced myself and actually end up giving her my number at the end of the conversation, just naturally. No, that normally doesn't happen. I hadn't thought much about that incident from 5 months ago, but apparently she did. I got a call from her asking if she could get a ride to church, thinking I probably didn't remember her, but it all came back (but she was right at first -I had forgotten - I didn't get her number). I took her to church today and she's awesome. She said she started going to her mom's ward because she never felt really welcomed or like she belonged. I related to her and told her how I had to overcome that. She said I was the only girl she knew, and I also told her how we can overcome that. God wanted her to know she wasn't alone. Why me? I just happened to pick the seat in front of her. I think God was glad he could count on me and not resort to a back up plan.

Another explanation.

Some may know me as being indecisive. So anytime I have this feeling of surety and comfort - I run with it. I did this with my decision to attend BYU, with my decision to move to DC, and my decision in who I dated. Those are all slightly larger decisions, all of which were confirmed in my mind. I had to think about them; I had to do things to make sure I was prepared to make those decisions, but I was guided to them and am still making sure I am doing what I can to make sense of them. I don't know if I can just check things off; life is fluid. You must keep moving with the changes and seizing the opportunities that come, by being someone worthy and ready for them, but it's definitely easier knowing I have the full support of a Heavenly Father on my side. Someone knows me better than I know myself.

We all have certain traits and talents that lead us in different directions. This world would not be functional without people going after their desires. It's not selfish, hardly. Our desires can become selfish when we do it for the wrong reasons or give the credit to the wrong source. Good luck climbing out of that hole if you choose the latter. Satan will make it seem like it's the better route at first, but then you're stuck and you'll see how you forgot to listen to the right voice. It's always easier to prevent the spill in the first place than to clean it up later.

But you can always clean it up. This world would function better if people took more ownership for their spills instead of ignoring them or leaving them to someone else. {Hello foreclosure and healthcare debt, or roommate who never cleans up after herself}.

You are given more and more every time you exercise your faith and take action to the guidance of the Holy Ghost. Put your faith in the words of God, and your attitude will change, your desires will become righteous and you will find the purpose that you are looking for. I promise, all things will work together for your good.


1 AM


I would be placed into an asylum if anyone knew what sounds were actually bouncing off the windows of that little 99' Sentra. I was trying my best to find every note possible and to the top of my lungs at that. I even made eccentric hand gestures trying to incite my mind and body to refrain from collapse. The loud music helped.

I was going down the road I've gone down dozens of times, and at this time of night, passing cars are few. I'm trying to remember the road now. I remember thinking I'll slow down because 1. I'm going down hill and 2. This is the place I saw a cop sit that one time. I keep moving and the ground levels when all of a sudden a red VW comes straight at me into my lane. It happened so fast; in a split second I realized they would hit me and I laid on my horn and swerved to the right. I remember looking at them after realizing they tried swerving back and didn't keep coming. It was a couple, and I did not make eye contact. Neither were looking at me, and in a split second I just knew they were drunk. I couldn't tell you the color of his hair, but I could tell you he looked confused and out of it. I took off a little shaken and realized the car behind me stopped. I instantly wondered who I should call, worried that they would get in an accident further down the road. The car stopped and I wanted to know what they were going to do. I believe they just waited to make sure they weren't going to get hit and they took off.

I finished down the hill, going rather slow. I wanted to make sure I was not shaken up, but I wanted to tell someone. I saw a cop car on the other side of the road and I stopped and called out to them (realizing later that this could be scary for them - no thanks to being a cop). I let Mrs. Cop know what just happened, she said they would inform the police in that area. All I knew was that it was a small, red car, and if my memory didn't fail me at the time, it was a VW Beetle. After Eric kindly reminded me that talking on the phone in DC was a $100 fine, I put it away after having it to my ear talking to the cop, and continued on... with caution. (I was prepared to call the police number, but without that number, all I could do was call Eric).

The radio was silent at this time and I forgot about my bag that flung to the floorboard. I was just trying to process. As my heart started to calm back down, the tears came in. Not long, but I let them fall after thinking it might just be good to let them out. Even still, I kept telling myself it's stupid to cry when everything is fine. I then just got really mad at the man in the driver seat, the drunk driver.

It's not okay to drink, I don't care what the world tells us is normal. Let alone get so drunk that you can no longer function properly, yet you're impaired and get into a car risking not only your life, but the lives of everyone else. I was worried about driving home tired, but I know my limits. I did not factor in people who do not understand their limits.

After more silent pauses in thought, I realized I did not think to thank God. I mean, I did kinda. I knew I was blessed in that moment and I felt grateful. I was quick to want something done about it, and I was quick to push blame and get upset. I had every right for both. However, it was not just me who honked and swerved and it was not the other driver who just got in the car drunk, but still managed to understand what breaks mean. I thank God for protecting me, because that very well could have been a moment where I was not. And either way, all good things come from God. Even though one man made a horrible decision, God helped me live through it. I thank God every day I somehow make it on four wheels in the DC metro area back alive.

I'm tired. Good night.

when the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace

I realize as I begin to write this that I am setting myself up for not only age discrimination, but ridicule for my insensitive/callous emotion. I had omitted this from my blog at the time, but I definitely want to write this down for the sake of remembering.



Everytime I say I was sitting in my 8th grade Algebra class at the time the Twin Towers fell, people automatically feel old. I have to admit, at the time, I just kinda stood watching the TV. A girl was crying in class, but I knew she was the dramatic type so I was more annoyed than sympathetic towards her behavior. People were calling home and there were issues with parents coming to pick up their kids and the school trying to keep everything organized. That's all I really remember. My teacher may have turned off the TV, and I cannot remember whether or not my mom came to pick me up early. I was very confused and I had no idea how significant that event was, in that moment. I had no idea what it meant to life and death. I had no idea what it meant for freedom or anarchy. I didn't have family in New York nor any family or friends being called to military service. To me, it was outside of my world. It was horrible pictures on TV. And it was the realization that I would never see New York City as it once was. I wrote about it in my journal. I don't have it with me here, but someone told me I will want to remember that day.

So when I was called to turn on my television Sunday, May 1st at 10:30 PM for a monumental announcement that I would remember for the rest of my life, well, I was intrigued. I hate the television news, really. I hate how the same stories are repeated like the same new pop song with too little substanance and too many unfiltered caveats. I tried not to let myself get too anxious, but too late, every minute that was counted down I had thoughts running everywhere from preparation for World War III to I've decided to go back to my home country (just kidding thanks to Mr. Trump - America can move on...sarcasm if you think I'm giving thanks to Trump for anything). I really didn't know what to expect of the hype. CNN was trying to give themselves a pat on the back for waiting on the President to be the first to make this announcement, oh but they were itching. When they said I had 10 more minutes to go upstairs and grab my book, they really meant Osama Bin Laden had been killed by US Navy Seals Team 6.

I just kinda sat there as this message was repeated over and over. I was trying to evaluate my feelings. I remember the phrase 'Let's Roll' and the powerful hits of Toby Keith. There is power in America because we are living in the promised land. I remember the efforts of GW to capture Bin Laden and the last I heard was that he was living in a "hole." His name had faded and all I began to hear over the past few years had been Al Qaeda this and that; war spread rampent and the word 'rebel' now has a good and bad connotation. I honestly forgot about the weakened Mr. Laden. I was glad he was dead, sure. I believe I got up from the couch and was like, well that was long overdue, and went to bed. I thought it was fine that I had this 'monumental' moment to myself. I still don't know what this will resolve, and I have to admit I remember being disappointed it was only one man who I had already forgotten still existed. It's hard having opinions when so much information is thrown at you, and everyone is so sure they have the truth.

Evil still has a plan, no matter which side does the killing. Our goal should just be to make sure the good keep fighting a better plan, and no, guns are a last resort. Simply killing Bin Laden was not a celebration of the death of another evil one, but the accomplishment of American military who lay down their lives and the lives of their family to protect a nation. I like American pride; I again know this country is worth protecting. I was upset to see the cheers of others when we were suffering 10 years ago. I am not about to find myself at the same level. Ignorance cheers for itself. As Gandhi put it: We must become the change we want to see. So are we changing America? Do we know how to change? Obama said we would.

I also feel as if Jimi Hendrix quotes it well: "When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.” A culture is built upon generation after generation of habits. Habits are things we create from repeated action. Our actions are caused by our desires. Our desires are combined from thoughts in our mind and feelings in our hearts. Don't corrupt your heart and mind. These create the soul and we want to carry down good souls to our children.


By small and simple things



are great things brought to pass.

Last night, we met an old man we will name, Erwin. Mr. Erwin looked about 95 years old. I am talking to Eric about something completely pointless when I notice he is looking over my shoulder. This is actually not typical, so I follow his gaze to the only other person in the Wendy's diner, i.e. Mr. Erwin.

I noticed Mr. Erwin when we first walked in and did the girly "aw look at that cute old man," but I kinda forgot about him. Any way, I look over and we wonder if he needs some assistance. Creepy stalkers that we are, we watch him toss his sauce packets into his walker pockets. Eric then proceeds to get up and ask Mr. Erwin if he needs assistance. Mr. Erwin: "Yes, actually, it might be better that I don't drop the tray on the floor." Eric then holds the door and Mr. Erwin looks back at me and smiles this big adorable smile. "You got a good one here ya know." Yes, Mr. Erwin, I do know. I grab the first door while Eric holds the second. Eric makes some silly comment that he got a good one too and he smiles and says "I can see that."



Holding the chili cup while Mr. Erwin gets in his car, Eric stands patiently. Then puts his walker wheels down in the back seat. Thanks again young man, said Mr. Erwin. *hand wave*

Mr. Erwin was married, or had a love once, perhaps who left him there to live life at Wendys on a Tuesday night by himself. We feel bad for the appearance of his loneliness, but ya know, he loved, he smiled, and he was still happy. Would I yell at him if he was slowing me down on the way to work (or as we know it, going any where), yes most likely. But as a person, I could picture sitting on the porch with some hot chocolate listening to his jokes and stories. I bet he had lots to tell.

We finally made it to a Wendys. I finally got my small frosty and he finally got his large. Who knows, give me 70 years...

Who really understands time any way. The flesh wears. Time doesn't matter. But the soul, that carries heart, determination, joy & laughter to the eternities. Honey, earth may spot our flesh, but we do not have to perish in the bars of time, only exhaust all reasons to keep living and I bet even when we think it's over, it'll just begin again.


- me

I have no idea what I'm doing.


I hope you can handle that.
My new rule was just to say yes.
I didn't think it would turn into this.
This weekend was a little crazy.
Parts of me then and now just wanted to
clean the house, run errands, do laundry, enjoy personal projects
such a loner.

I can't help it.

I worked way too many extra hours this week
[not really, but let me whine]
Woke up way too early this week
[finally got the stupid tb test checked]
got stuck in the horrible snow DISASTER
and all I wanted was something warm and cozy
zero energy exertion
for the weekend.

Whatever it's cool.

Back to the snow DISASTER.
I almost pulled my hair out
I swore a few times when snow fell in my car
and people acted like FOOLS. left behind? anyone?
They didn't know how to drive, the end.
My little car got me home just fine once I was able to get the
IDIOTS out of my way.
Including the one that was stopped in my driveway...
Almost home from my TWO HOUR commute
and I had to put on my flashers in the road.

curses.

She couldn't move forward so she got out of the car,
went into the house and used the bathroom
then stayed there a little longer.
(wtf) WHY THE FACE
She comes waddling out
and apparently didn't try reversing until I suggested it
or moving the steering wheel back and forth.
my patience was completely dry.
A saintly neighbor with a shovel comes and moves her car.
I finally arrive home.
It was a pretty night; I've seen more snow before
but NOTHING like DC traffic in the snow.

yes, the city had completely shut down.

Why is that car stopping you say?
good question. good, good question.

And now it's Sunday. YAY

$20


I have to tell you.
I've been praying or at least thinking about
how I want to feel more specific spiritual impressions.
To help people...be in the right places...fulfill a purpose
more or less.

But I have a hard time distinguishing between
my own analyzations and that of ... promptings.
Today, I was battling this on the cobblestone sidewalk

I noticed this mechanical leg on the stony steps
It was connected to a young face, with long hair, with a casual face
he had a cardboard sign that said homeless and
other things I didn't read. In that moment I was like
"I should give him something." I never have
given to the homeless [...] don't judge me.
I don't see many on a normal day, but he affected me.
In a weird way. I walked passed, pulled out my wallet on the next block
and realized I just had $2 cash. I began the afternoon with a $20 to spend.
I ate. bought a tshirt. and had $2 left over.
I thought well that's a lame amount to give. What is the point?
Then I kept thinking it's still something, maybe it's just
a good example? good practice? confidence for him? for me?
but it would be stupid to turn around.
(I'm glad I was worried about looking foolish when he's there with the sign)
sometimes I'm really silly.
I just didn't want to overlook the moment I was supposed to take action
Yet I kept walking because 1. I rationalized it
I said i don't have a problem giving up the money, I just didn't think
it was a big deal - but officially made it one with my thoughts.
Since when do I ever think this long and hard over something
like a scary bum. Welcome to DC I mean - why him.

So I looked for my phone. missing. I stopped to check again.
missing.
panic attack.

I left it when I purchased the shirt. 6 blocks back.
I take off thinking
great God - you just want me to walk past him again
forcing myself to have a second chance. I prayed and said
if someone could do a good thing and turn in my phone,
I would do a good thing and give him the cash I had.
My phone was saved.
I dropped in the $2 I had left.
Now thinking great, I only did it because I wanted something
not the point at all.
I think I would have done it even if I didn't find my phone.
Although I think I would just sit next to him and cry.
Good thing he didn't have to deal with that.



Blessings? I don't know.

The Current Situation

So today I was trying to manage my time and get ahead in school. I started my Quiz that is due tonight last night, granted I wasn't finished until 1:30am and granted I got a 40%...but I was getting myself ahead.

So I've lost my ID the past week and haven't had much time to deal with it, so today I owned up to the 10 dollar charge and took another snapshot. Actually it took 4 pictures before I was satisfied. Hey if I was going to pay 10 bucks I wanted it to at least be good. Today was apparently an off day.

so NEWHO I get it and go to the library to print some things

to study for a test I have NEXT week. I know, getting better all the time, BUT to my GREAT disappointment, i had TWO cents left on my card...well i thought I had close to 9 dollars.

turns out my card was not just lost but STOLEN... a $18.55 deficit. and at BYU. I just want to meet this scum bag. Funny I assume he's a guy, but it could have been some loser fat chick hording the vending machines. WANTED: LAST MONDAY NIGHT 10pm to 12am-FAT CAUCASIAN with 15LBS of PASTRIES from the CB vending machine. sad, there's a chance I can get the $8.55 back...but for some reason I doubt the speed of the BYU police system.

I just hope I don't lose hope in the world. I can't let one person's choice let me lose faith in the millions who are honest. I take things for granted being here; it's a nice change. I just hate it when people force me back into a pessimistic world.

I VOTED for the first time. by absentee ballot is in the mail. Don't ask me for who, I voted for the party. I'm for Prop8 and against abortion. If people want to start pulling this pro-choice crap, i'll slap them in the face. Certain things are in place because they make us better as a whole. When you start tearing down the foundation, it all crumbles. I want a President who has morals, who believes and worships God. Don't tell me religion has nothing to do with a man. It should have EVERYTHING to do with him. I can't separate my religion from myself any better than I can the chocolate cake from auntie's fat lips, just doesn't happen. You become what you eat.

The economy is SUNK but I think with time things will come back around. The rich will still be rich and the poor will still be poor. I have no pity on those who are poor trying to live rich. THEY SCREWED OVER everyone else. I am not buying a house anytime soon. Good thing I'm not close to marriage?

It's just amazing what happens when people start acting wickedly. No surprise that the prophets told us YEARS ago to be prepared, to live within our means, and to stay out of debt. It's the people who are dumb and choose wicked lives. Time will only tell with this next generation.

PS. I parallel parked for the first time by myself-- first try! I was not an embarrassment to myself and although no one was around to see, i took pride in this accomplishment. My victories might seem trivial, but to me...they keep me going.

Peace out

When all Else Fails


I thought I would start out this month with a bang. I got a different kind of bang than I intended. I got shot capowboomboombang. One of the WORST things for me is when I fall short of my own expectations, when I fall short of myself, (what I know my potential is)...when I don't live up to me. Is that ridiculous? I don't think it's that crazy, but it definitely makes me sick. I want to get past things and my perfectionist side wants me to do it until I get it right. And sometimes, it's a sunk cost. I hate to even use accounting terms. That's that class that has me so upset. My whole walk home from the testing center, outside of unearned revenue mistakes, was spent wondering what I'm even doing. What do I really plan on doing with my life? What do I really expect? Look at that picture from the beach. Those were the care free days. But maybe you have these times to find humility. To make you realize you can go down at any time, but that you can't let it shake your faith. If I did everything perfectly, I would think I had no room for improvement, which is far mistaken. I'm still gonna work on being perfect and humble at the same time. It could work.

But i should stop being so prideful. I should allow people to be better than me every now and then. I should realize I can just do better next time. I just hope I can. I'm sure I can. And the thing is, it always works out. But what if it doesn't work out. Do things really always work out? I guess in ways we don't even realize. I like objection. I like knowing I will graduate, that someone will want to hire me, that someone will marry me, that I will make a difference in someone's life.

OKay so here's what I want. I want to get a good enough job to make good enough money to do a field study in a different country and travel around. A third world country experience would be amazing. I want to leave here take pictures and play with kids. And then I want to come home and do the same thing. Take pictures and have kids. yes.

But instead I will be spending my weekend working at a job that gives me no money, studying for more exams. I just better not let this discourage me in my other areas. I tend to let one thing eat at me until I somehow let it through my system. I feed off of positive feedback. Negative feedback sucks, but it makes me want to do better, but positive feedback does the same thing in a nicer way.

O but it is Conference Weekend. Maybe I can change my negative attitude for it. yes. There's more to life than grades, boys who aren't there, and other failed attempts. maybe I'll squeeze in time for shopping. I need a black hoodie and Kohls just had there grand opening =)

I just want to know if I'm being a cop-out. Am I not living up to my best? Aiming for something higher in the business world that is. I know being a mother is essential and all, but should I aim for another purpose? Especially since the family part isn't momentarily foreseeable. There are women who do it. Work and raise a family. Work a "real" job. Please define that for me. I know, but what if I don't want to. Am i lazy? Am i afraid? this is my current battle of self. I know I know. we all want 20/20 vision. and sometimes the signs are just blurry.

Bloody Eyed Monster in my Dream

So i hardly ever dream, or I don't remember them...but this morning I woke up really disturbed.

I will try to recompose the story, but you know how dreams work, some things are just random



So it was Emily and I in an apartment. Someone was trying to get into our outside door. Emily said she should go see who it was, but then was like no and just makes sure the door is locked. I am somehow convinced it's just sillyness in our heads, so I walk out to prove that nothing is there. I turn to the right and turn on the light, nothing. I turn to the left and the light switch is broken, so I kind of get freaked out, run back in and lock it. JUST as i lock it the door nob is twisted and we hear a noise. We run to our bedroom and lock that door. Somehow she gets in and starts talking to us through the door...



this is when things get a little sketchy on my memory...



We ask her what she wants and I still don't remember if we let her in or if she got in. She could hear me and Emily whispering. Either way, I remember when I saw her she was like a wolf and when I looked at her eyes as she was leaving they started dripping blood. She left some sort of material in the room and i quickly thought it was some sort of microphone thing that she could use to listen to us.



dang it I want to remember what she wanted...