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Day 2 - Let's ride. 10.5 hours

Day 1 - marriage license, realized FL decided to be cold, pray for the sun, received sun, saw Bree's new baby girl, Aubree, mani/pedi, wedding venue, open presents, dinner with friends, goodnight lover, our last single kiss.

Day 0 - We got married 11am, November 5th in the Orlando Temple. I love him. It was a wonderful wedding, exactly what I pictured. So many people made the reception come to life. I was too busy trying to make sure I talked to everyone that I didn't feel like I adequately enjoyed it for all the effort and stress, but I hope everyone else did. What matters most is holding Eric's hand across the altar. He was so good, patient, and loving. He's staring at me right now. He's my everything. I've never felt this comfortable with anyone. I even like his scruff.

And this is a new beginning for Mr and Mrs Smith

3 days

I feel like I am waking up in a straight jacket. My tan walls are all bare in my small room. One last container holding my last few belongings. One last load of laundry and some base board cleaning and I am gone. My twin bed still needs a home, but outside of that and a few dangling hangers, I am moved out. Moved out and moving on. I totally feel like my mind and energy is in another place/point in time. It's increasing I think, my capacity to move forward - I am moving forward.

A year ago I didn't think this was possible. I had no idea what you looked like. I would dream of someone who shared a home with me. I could dream of our home and the things we would be doing, but I didn't see your face. It's weird to think you're him; how did you find me? We are so lucky.  You meet so many people in this world. One will become your eternal companion and it's the sweetest gift I've ever received - the chance to meet you.

In 3 days we will say yes. In three days we will walk out hand in hand as Mr. and Mrs. Smith. It's not about the name exactly. It's what taking on your name means. You are my shelter from the world. You and I will be bound to become one, spiritually. I am yours, forever.

PS to the 4th day

You know what's funny? When Eric can quote my blog 

and then I know I'm in trouble. 

"oh, so you read my blog today..."

I smile. He smiles and shakes his head.

I should be nice.

I don't want him to run away.

i-love-that-man.

Saying those types of things makes him shake his head

Babe, I'm shouting it to the world!

4 days

I love Eric Austin Smith very much.

What is on your mind 4 days before your wedding?

"What am I forgetting?"

Did I write them a thank you? How does my side of the closet triple his, yet I have nothing to wear? How else can I prepare him? prepare myself? I really wish I wasn't working right now. Getting my legs waxed is going to kill, but maybe it won't be so bad. I still haven't talked to the photographer. When can I get my nails done? What if I don't like any of the photos? I wonder what everything will look like. I wonder what I will look like. I wonder how much I'll care. I wonder how tired I'll be. I'm tired right now and still don't want to be at work. Where is my planner? Did I take my birth control this morning? I hope my allergies go away. I should drink more water. I should learn how to cook. I can't wait until life is normal with a routine.  Oh man I really am so lucky. I just want to be with him. Yes, I am so ready for this. Oh, but a 12 hour car ride sucks.  Who's car are we taking? We still have to put the playlist together. I swear boys don't have to deal with anything when they get married - they just quadruple the emotion that rests around them. I hope Eric doesn't forget to pay the rent. He won't. I hate how much our rent is. It will be so much easier when my name is changed. But oh my gosh so much to change. Oh right, it's all worth it. I'm running with that idea at least.

Double Roll

Thank you friends! He now has a wedding band, hopefully it fits. 

Now, those of you who know Eric, know he has an opinion on-almost-everything.  For some reason this still surprises me as if I forget he should just be a boy and not care about details.  But this is Eric, and he is different. This example was too good that I now have to share. 

Kayla: "I got toilet paper; it was on sale"
Eric: "Is it Charmin?"
Kayla: *the look that says are-you-kidding-me* - goes into the closet - "yes, actually"
Eric: "Oh good, double rolled?"
Kayla: *the look of death*
Eric: "What?! I'm picky about what touches my butt."
Kayla: *smile* "oh are you now?"
Eric: *enjoying this double entendre*
Kayla: *feeling pretty special*
Eric: "oh yeah"

Although knowing Eric was completely serious about what toilet paper he wants purchased, there is always a little humor to be found, even the dirty kind. Actually, always.

why don't you

Hey Eric, if you want a new post so much, why don't you write one.

luvyourfiance.

All I ever want to be is everything you ever need.

Somehow I made the biggest decision of my life. I only worry when I think about how easy and normal it was for me. All these years and all these conversations made me feel like it was something more grand. I think it's just the simple, calm peace of being with the person you never want to be without.

It's a choice now, it's a choice tomorrow, and it's a choice every day after that.

I mentioned how the reality of reality catches up with me and sometimes I just don't know where to move. Sometimes I just feel like a game piece and all I see is the black space in front of me, but there you are, right beside me. I didn't ask for you to be there. I didn't think either one of us would stay. I guess sometimes I think wrong. I didn't expect to love you like I do, it just kinda happened. Here I am. God knew you would come. God knew I would give you a chance and he knew you would stick with me.

All I ever want to be is everything you ever need.

Happy one week engagement.

{even if the activity was a bust, I still got to hold your hand}

ps- don't hate me cause you're beautiful ;)

Happy Birthday Lover

First REAL soccer game

Manchester vs Barcelona

I've never seen so many cars parking and people exiting, what I swear was two doors, EVER

Goal Barcelona.

we'll just hold onto that moment...

the cute couple. haha.

s-w-e-a-t-y

Oh wouldn't you know this spilled over in the car. I tried taking a picture of the half that was still decent. So typical. I should stop trying... kidding =)

Oh wouldn't you know my favorite mason jar dropped and shattered on the floor of his parking garage, what-the-freak.

Birthday Boy on the night he got the BEST present ever...

me =)

Next time babe, you just get me waking you up with breakfast in bed at like 11AM. We're saving the couple's massage for after the wedding.

He put a ring on it.

So am I supposed to start a new blog now? Am I supposed to call it Mr and Mrs Smith? I have to admit, it sounds kinda crazy, but it feels pretty normal. I'm just marrying my best friend - once we decide on a date.

I don't know what protocol is on most of this stuff. I am used to doing what I feel like, not super romantic, not super crazy, just me. Society makes me feel obligated to wear this diamond ring and explain how he proposed. It's a big deal, I know. I think the only cute thing is hearing about how guys actually think about things. We love a guy caught up in love. It gets us every time.

Most of you may not have been surprised. Apparently just Leah and Troy. I have known for a little while now, but I also knew Mr Smith moves at turtle speed. Last night he made it seem like he still didn't have the ring. We finally went ring shopping like a week/two weeks ago and I showed him things I liked, okay maybe like 2-3 things - I swear I don't know why good, simple, classic taste is so hard to come by. Okay, so maybe I'm picky about only liking squares, not wanting something too thick, curvy or pokie - sue me.

I didn't know he went back a couple days later to pick it up. I've told him forever that my only real wish was to make sure he asked my dad. So he finally gets around to it and asks me out to dinner.

I had a feeling. I don't go to fancy restaurants. I don't like fancy places unless they are 200 years old and make awesome photo backdrops. And I definitely don't like spending money without good reason. I told him this better be important. I know - I'm hard to please - haha. He thinks he had me fooled, but then again, it wasn't really a secret. You want to eat at Sequoia do you? You want me to take pictures of this night, yeah? You want to go find a bench, yeah? Somewhere we can be alone? I would have hurt him if people were around. We landed somewhere next to Iceland. Okay, maybe just the steps of Iceland and we talked and he said something sweet and reality hit me and...

no, I didn't cry. I was slightly surprised by the reality of it all, but of course I said yes and well, here we are - he put a ring on it.

But besides my ring finger feeling a little more important, your news feed blowing up with my announcement, and a butt load of questions that I don't have answered yet, "When's the date" will be a good one to get started on, life seems mostly the same. I'm still marrying my best friend, but now I get to tell the world =)

Old Rag

It was last minute when Eric said he had me packed and that all I had to do was grab a few things and, knowing who I am, stop to grab a bite to eat on the way down. It's Eric, and I was thinking 1. I like being with him, 2. I've really wanted to get outdoors recently, 3. Word knows I could use some exercise. So I said yes - me being 'spontaneous' - I decided to come. Eric told me there was another girl. I didn't even think twice about it being something I couldn't handle.

The girl was a marine. The boy she was with was a marine. And then there is Eric and Derek (I know cute huh) who have done things their mothers would never want to hear - and hiking/climbing is definitely no big thang.

And then there's Kayla. Who feels lucky when she makes it to the top of the stairs.

These were big stairs. And not even really that big apparently. PLENTY of people came up the other side of boulders. I mean when you see Ms. Hefty in her tight spandex climbing over the hump, all of a sudden opting out is not possible.

So any way. Maybe to a little bit of sweet encouragement from you, I kept up no-big-deal. Only 4 miles up hill and random wanderings in the forest trying to find a boulder to jump off. It's normal. Waking up from a full nights rest of course. NOT - tumultuous winds about rolling me down the mountain? more like it. This is after we took about 1.5 extra hours trying to find our way in the dark. I never did pray about it. Maybe that would have made it faster. Or if we took Kayla's advice and asked the lodge people before it closed. Weird.

Chris: "Yeah I didn't think to stake down your tent" - dumtumblecrashsmash

Kayla: "Haha."

Kayla's thoughts: "That's what you get for free service."

So we made it to the top of Old Rag. I, Kayla Looper, rappeled off a mountain and 'climbed' back up. I may have whined and thought both impossible, but again, he was encouraging. I told him not to get his hopes up. This doesn't mean I'm Mrs. Outdoorsy. I'm definitely not marrying it.

In reality, it was the gnats that kept me going. Summer in the humidity is the best recipe for annoying face swarming bugs. I knew I would feel so good making it to the top and flying back down. The MRE raisins and chewy bars never tasted so good. As I get back down, you understand how crappy food tastes good under crappy conditions. I wanted Chipotle.

Eric: "I noticed you got a little happier on the way down"

Kayla: "I hate you."

Eric: "I love you."

(I was in the middle of flexing my awesome muscles)

It was a good trip and I owe the good pictures to Derek, who for the first time, was a boy who cared about taking good pictures. He actually brought his SLR and took some good shots of us, but I do not have them yet.

UPDATE WITH PICTURE SOON.

Life is good.

Mr. Utah, I want a ride on the Ferris Wheel. Even if I'm deathly afraid of heights.

...and so we went.

Happy Easter everyone!

May we come to understand and then never forget

how significant this celebration truly is.

Note: We went to the carnival that came to the Landmark mall on Saturday. All I really wanted to do was take a few pictures and marvel at the weirdness of all the carnies and the money that people were willing to lay down on their children and half second rides. Oh there were some characters and outside of the basketball hoops I was forced into attempting, we just road the Ferris Wheel. It was all I wanted even when I felt like it could topple over at any given moment. Romantic or not, he acted like he could protect me. I wasn't really buying it. Having my life in the hands of a carnie... might just be one of the dumbest things you can do. Oh but I can land on you and you will break my fall? Oh well now, that's just so sweet.

cabin fever

I feel like my facebook statuses make it seem like I'm worried about the future or something. I swear I've just read a lot of good things about doing good things and moving forward with the knowledge that things will work out just fine, more than fine, if we put our trust in the Lord. Perfect example was a quote I posted in a previous blog:

‎"You did not come into the world to fail. You came into the world to succeed. You have accomplished much so far. It is only the beginning. As you move forward on the trail of life, keep the banner of faith in self ever before you. You may not be a genius...or exceptionally smart. But you can be good, and you can try. & you will be amazed at what might happen when in faith you take a step forward." -Gordon B. Hinckley

Oh hey babe, want to get away?

It really didn't matter where we decided to go.

Good morning, Handsome.

He doesn't eat unless I decide to eat.

oh baby this one was a good choice

Honey, what's burning?

It was the stove. Not us. We still ate them no doubt.

Yes, you are my good morning...

Yes, in fact I do have a poof...

"Don't save something for a special occasion. Every day of your life is a special occasion."
— Thomas S. Monson

Day 65, Fear is for the unfaithful

Sometimes we don't understand the miracles, but we learn how to recognize and we try to cherish. I don't know everything yet. But Elder Anderson said it best when he said we know enough to move forward in faith. I think a few others have validated the same statement.

We can all look at each other's lives and assume we understand. My level of happiness is not yours, and yes, we can reach it by doing different things or by being with different people. I'm pretty sure I'm more simple than others, but a little advanced at times. However, one thing is for sure, the best life is within the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Maybe saying it out loud solidifies it in stone.

Maybe then I cannot take it back.

I'm exposed and everything it known.

And once we realize what can be taken away

We fear.

But fear is for the unfaithful

National Zoo, Day 57

So a brunette walks into a bar...

[that is how we met]

You saw me the moment I walked in.

--------------------------------------

Day 57, day trip to the D.C. National Zoo.

It was free. And sunny. How perfect?

Cute, yes, I know.

So cute I had to post them twice.

Oh hello Spok.

Can we find the human?

Here's one for you, dad.

"Reflection" by Christina Aguilera, sung in Mulan

So worth one million dollars? debatable.

And one for the extinct! Tamaran!

food

I am not dramatic, honey. Sometimes, I just need some emotion to keep me alive, so I go with it. You coming with?

I am on this new love fettish with food. It's weird. But I realize it's a lot harder than I would like to plan meals, budget, go to the store, come home and cook it. Wow - sounds a lot like being mom. Weird. Good luck, honey, kids... Maybe, just maybe, I would like it more if I had my own space.

Abby, I found your post of this chocolate chip and banana bread recipe and I may not sleep until I have some... curses for my love of bread, let alone banana bread and chocolate chips. I appreciate you sharing =)

I've been wanting to learn a new recipe a week, but so far it looks like I need to start at one per month. So far, I haven't really planned out and made a meal from a recipe. I'll get there. And of course I'll blog about it. At least I am eating again.

We made lasagna tonight. [picture to come] Weird, who misses two whole layers? It's cool. Still COMPLETELY edible and I was more than satisfied with my ability to still eat it. and of course we had strawberry twizzlers. Yeah, you've kinda rubbed off on me.

Now on to that exercise plan? what what?

just another order of the usual

I skipped institute.

There - off my chest, just like everything else...

[can you slam yourself? weird]

So yes, going down the spiritual hill, most likely.

No FHE, no institute, who am I?

Oh wait, technically I was involved in FHE last night.

equals a perfect balance...

of complacency (yes, I caught that ground zero connotation)

I was thinking today about how much wasted time goes into 9 hours of my life of just working to make money so that I can live

and maybe contribute to 1% of my family's future income.

I guess that's good. I guess I am learning in small ways.

AND I can support myself; do you know how many can say that?

Please find that stat for me so I can feel important, pronto

[credit card debt doesn't count]

don't get me wrong - i.e. grateful

Outside of union strikes and Libyan extremists, my life is looking pretty good.

However, we're all attached. But, right now, the fear is found in the $4 gas estimate and

the faces I see in my free Time magazine, weird.

Speaking of looking good...

[he might hate this]

But then he'll say he doesn't really care.

Catholic School or Georgetown, shown below.

creepy statue.