Hello Dear: change

Showing posts with label change. Show all posts

3 days

I feel like I am waking up in a straight jacket. My tan walls are all bare in my small room. One last container holding my last few belongings. One last load of laundry and some base board cleaning and I am gone. My twin bed still needs a home, but outside of that and a few dangling hangers, I am moved out. Moved out and moving on. I totally feel like my mind and energy is in another place/point in time. It's increasing I think, my capacity to move forward - I am moving forward.

A year ago I didn't think this was possible. I had no idea what you looked like. I would dream of someone who shared a home with me. I could dream of our home and the things we would be doing, but I didn't see your face. It's weird to think you're him; how did you find me? We are so lucky. You meet so many people in this world. One will become your eternal companion and it's the sweetest gift I've ever received - the chance to meet you.

In 3 days we will say yes. In three days we will walk out hand in hand as Mr. and Mrs. Smith. It's not about the name exactly. It's what taking on your name means. You are my shelter from the world. You and I will be bound to become one, spiritually. I am yours, forever.

Oh and, Rand is home

Biggest news of the freakin year (if I wasn't getting married) is that Elder Looper has returned from serving as a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for the Brazilians in northern, you guessed it, Brazil. And it's a sibling's duty to clog up some of that spotlight =)

Welcome home brother. We are so glad to have you back in the states!! I could only imagine the airport welcome and was just about ready to cry in the car when I realized he was still sitting on a plane and I was in my car about 4 states north. Rationality came back in and I just got excited for him. It's a very bitter sweet feeling for a returned missionary (I should know I never served a mission, but apparently I can imagine a lot of things). I get to see him in one week and couple that with my first time going through the temple and you know, that whole marriage thing, you may be able to spell out anxiety attack. I AM THE WORST PERSON AT ANTICIPATION. I can't wait till I no longer have bladder control.

40

P.S. 40 days seem like foreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeever. haha.

don't tell me to enjoy it. I will hate you if you tell me that.

and then I will call you stupid for thinking that's a novel idea.

40 days. I'm freakin enjoying them, alright?

Run you flabby white girl - run.

I miss it. I think about running and biking, but then I come home and realize that it's not happening. I was already late from traffic. I am either running errands or starting dinner. And then before you know it, it's pitch black outside.

I don't even have kids yet. I will have to learn to wake up early, which would be a lot easier if I didn't want to stay up with Eric, but 7:30 AM is already wretched enough. Maybe that part will get easier once it's not a matter of us having to drive to each others places, but seriously, I just can't picture myself jumping out of bed and sprinting down the concrete. The only thing that gets me up sometimes is the fact that I have to pee. I really can't wait to get into a routine - gosh darn it - I will make it happen. Right now, I feel like it's just go go go for the next . . . year. I'll start in January. Yeah!

Don't look at me with those *you're making excuses* eyes. I don't need that. I am very self aware. One day I won't be afraid to run in front of people. One day I will be able to run with Eric. One day I will have thighs that don't shake. *Purely vain reasons of course* minus the fact that I should be able to keep up with my lover, but maybe that's just pride. . .