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Day 2 - Let's ride. 10.5 hours

Day 1 - marriage license, realized FL decided to be cold, pray for the sun, received sun, saw Bree's new baby girl, Aubree, mani/pedi, wedding venue, open presents, dinner with friends, goodnight lover, our last single kiss.

Day 0 - We got married 11am, November 5th in the Orlando Temple. I love him. It was a wonderful wedding, exactly what I pictured. So many people made the reception come to life. I was too busy trying to make sure I talked to everyone that I didn't feel like I adequately enjoyed it for all the effort and stress, but I hope everyone else did. What matters most is holding Eric's hand across the altar. He was so good, patient, and loving. He's staring at me right now. He's my everything. I've never felt this comfortable with anyone. I even like his scruff.

And this is a new beginning for Mr and Mrs Smith

3 days

I feel like I am waking up in a straight jacket. My tan walls are all bare in my small room. One last container holding my last few belongings. One last load of laundry and some base board cleaning and I am gone. My twin bed still needs a home, but outside of that and a few dangling hangers, I am moved out. Moved out and moving on. I totally feel like my mind and energy is in another place/point in time. It's increasing I think, my capacity to move forward - I am moving forward.

A year ago I didn't think this was possible. I had no idea what you looked like. I would dream of someone who shared a home with me. I could dream of our home and the things we would be doing, but I didn't see your face. It's weird to think you're him; how did you find me? We are so lucky.  You meet so many people in this world. One will become your eternal companion and it's the sweetest gift I've ever received - the chance to meet you.

In 3 days we will say yes. In three days we will walk out hand in hand as Mr. and Mrs. Smith. It's not about the name exactly. It's what taking on your name means. You are my shelter from the world. You and I will be bound to become one, spiritually. I am yours, forever.

PPS to the 4th day

I know. You people are thinking I have too much time on my hands.

I can't sit still for one moment.

This mug speaks to me. And has inspired my to whine.

I know, I know, I hardly need inspiration

I just want a snack; I don't want to have to talk to you  - creeper in purple - in the kitchen.  I will seriously turn back around and try again 5 minutes later. Oh heavens - the elevator is the worst. If you get enough people in there, it's fine. People know to hold their convo or people are already talking. But if it's just you two?
worst-5-seconds-of-the-day.

Until I step into my car and grandma is turning the corner. Almost worse than the ones who slam on breaks at a green light to get over into a new lane or just because they are that freakin ridiculous.

Oh I want to kill them.

PS to the 4th day

You know what's funny? When Eric can quote my blog 

and then I know I'm in trouble. 

"oh, so you read my blog today..."

I smile. He smiles and shakes his head.

I should be nice.

I don't want him to run away.

i-love-that-man.

Saying those types of things makes him shake his head

Babe, I'm shouting it to the world!

4 days

I love Eric Austin Smith very much.

What is on your mind 4 days before your wedding?

"What am I forgetting?"

Did I write them a thank you? How does my side of the closet triple his, yet I have nothing to wear? How else can I prepare him? prepare myself? I really wish I wasn't working right now. Getting my legs waxed is going to kill, but maybe it won't be so bad. I still haven't talked to the photographer. When can I get my nails done? What if I don't like any of the photos? I wonder what everything will look like. I wonder what I will look like. I wonder how much I'll care. I wonder how tired I'll be. I'm tired right now and still don't want to be at work. Where is my planner? Did I take my birth control this morning? I hope my allergies go away. I should drink more water. I should learn how to cook. I can't wait until life is normal with a routine.  Oh man I really am so lucky. I just want to be with him. Yes, I am so ready for this. Oh, but a 12 hour car ride sucks.  Who's car are we taking? We still have to put the playlist together. I swear boys don't have to deal with anything when they get married - they just quadruple the emotion that rests around them. I hope Eric doesn't forget to pay the rent. He won't. I hate how much our rent is. It will be so much easier when my name is changed. But oh my gosh so much to change. Oh right, it's all worth it. I'm running with that idea at least.

5 days

I can spend the rest of my life, loving him, taking walks to new places, eating new things, taking pictures where ever/how ever I want, reading under whatever tree or by whatever window, playing with children, and making the scriptures really mean something. 

It was Halloween and we may or may not have escaped the costumes.

6 days

It was Sunday - Stake Conference - so church was only 2 hours long and we all met together (like 6+ ward buildings together) - for those who don't know the LDS lingo. It centered around the importance of family and the temple and the testimony of what it means to belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. So refreshing and wonderful to know that the last time I went to the temple was yesterday and that I am getting married this weekend. I think I am on the right course. Soo many good/amazing things happening. Once upon a time, I wasn't sure if I would ever be cool enough.

Speaking of cool enough, I can't cook meat.

Apparently Eric and I {yes I'm including you Eric} fail at "cooking" meat. Maybe I like it rare and raw. Just maybe I'm like that.  I'll forever live off a crock pot. Leave it to me to screw that up.

We also attended the Jon Schmidt concert at the DC Temple, Visitor's Center. It was AWESOME. Apparently everyone else knew it would be and it was already so crowded 40 minutes prior to his first note {it's just known that we get started late what ever the function may be, so the fact that people got there early is itself a standing ovation}.

It's freezing and the worst thing is getting into my freezing car in the mornings, but the fall colors are still surrounding us and I get to forget it all this weekend with weather in the 70s. Oh man, so excited.

Eric is trying to organize our small apartment and I think I prefer to just sit there and listen to him ask "what about here?" - "what if we move this there?" - "stack these here?"  How about I freak out when he wants to stack plastic containers to the ceiling in our bedroom, but for the most part, I just let him organize. I may reorganize it all again once I'm there. hahahaha oh man. This is so true.

7th day?

Did I miss it? aw shucks. 

I spent it sleeping in, going to the temple with Danielle, coming home to my lover snuggling/eating/talking/etc, stake conference, grocery store, chuck, and a horrible trip back home in the cold.

Time for bed. It's the first snow of the new winter.

good thing I'm going to FL this weekend.

Getting married has so many perks.

It's my last Saturday single!!!!

8 days

I am not really good with compliments/gifts/center of attention things. I don't ever really know how to react and I most always (I know that's contradicting) do the wrong thing, as in say everything but "thank you, you are so kind." 

Oh you think my hair is nice? "I didn't even do anything to it"; oh you got me a gift? "you did not need to spend money on me." you think I'm talented? "please, whatever."

It's just  . . . difficult for me to accept that someone was sincerely being nice; I am not discrediting you. I don't think it's my lack of confidence, or my thoughts that you don't mean that, it's just hard to hear it for some reason, yet you like to hear nice things from time to time? Oh the life of you-can-never-please-me.

MAYBE I'M JUST REALLY HUMBLE or maybe it's a form of pride.
weird irony?

I don't know why I always worry about people feeling obligated.  I guess you want people to think nice things, but it's more like you want to hear them inadvertently, maybe a card. Same with gifts, I love getting them in the mail, but I'm always afraid my reaction won't be satisfactory enough live. I'm just not one of those people.  It's like when people sing happy birthday to you; do you just stare at the cake till they are done? ugh. so awkward.

People know I don't just say thank you or give a compliment without actually meaning it, maybe because it's so rare, haha. Whatever. It's not, somehow I've managed to be pretty straight-up if people ask or I cower and run away before I'm forced to say something I don't really mean. I admire most people in all their efforts, but please, don't ask me if I like your photo.

So I am really excited we now have our nice pots and pans, as well as pyrex bakeware. Super nice of my coworkers, again, they shouldn't have, but I'm completely honored and excited to have them while at the same time being able to put the money we would have spent on them, elsewhere. 

We also received a waffle maker from the Osmond Family

And I was kinda excited about that. 

I told Eric I wonder if they receive lots of invites

and then feel obligated

of course I would think something like that.

Thank you everyone for your love, prayers, support and/or gifts/compliments.

The end

9 days

I feel obligated to do a count down, not because I want to waste away my single days, but just to enjoy every last bit of this blog.

You know what I wish? That I tried to be a nurse or at least take science classes. I am so one of those google self diagnose-ers, it's horrible. I wish I had some validity to my justifications. Whatever, I'll just say I'm right. I am now thinking I have allergies. I just have no idea what my body is freakin out at. The doxycycline I was on for 5 days? Perfume? Winter pollen? Not sure what else is new in my life.

Any way - when I'm not on a eye swelling/nose itching twitch - all is good. Work is throwing me a dinner party tonight at Maggianos (sp?). I'm actually very excited about the menu and I'm thinking I can taste it now. Eric is bailing for class. He knows I love being the center of attention. We're already one. I'm representing him at social functions. Great.

So on that note, I'll go for the food and casual conversation. I'm almost done reading The Help, okay not really. A 530 page book, two evenings and I'm only on page 204. Two evenings and Eric finished a 900 page book. He thinks/reads faster than I do. I tell him he has the gift of speed read. Good thing we'll know what we can still do when we're 80 and immobile. Eric will perfect tying knots in a circle. I'll read and tell him to put the rope down =) PS - It's a good story. PPS I'm not saying Eric would ever be suicidal nor would I make make light of a serious topic, okay I may do the latter.

And to that end! I will stop whining about all my imperfections.  Apparently it's really hard for me to focus on the things that are right. There are so many wrong things that preoccupy my mind. Maybe one day I'll do something about that =)

Love Always,
Kay

10 days

before the wedding and I am sick. I was actually hopeful in the beginning. The sore throat still isn't there unless I yawn. I wasn't blowing my nose too much. After I threw up, I felt so much better. That was Sunday. Today is Wednesday and between my mind feeling unsettled and, therefore, stressed from the disorder that is currently in my life, I am sick.

I feel contaminated.

 The fine print:
It's not really "disorder" per say. It's just that I'm Type A and want a routine yet cannot have one yet. Blah. And things are a little uncertain BUT WHEN THE FREAK ARE THINGS EVER CERTAIN!? So any way, I have a lot of things I'm waiting for and I'm not good at being patient. I get anxious and that sends my mind all over the place.  Be careful, I might throw up on you, literally and emotionally. Actually I really don't throw up - ever. The fact that I did and downplayed it is pretty good for me. PS is it possible to throw up and not have tears? any way. blah. (not the sound of throw up just the sound of my brain wishing it could shut off)

Double Roll

Thank you friends! He now has a wedding band, hopefully it fits. 

Now, those of you who know Eric, know he has an opinion on-almost-everything.  For some reason this still surprises me as if I forget he should just be a boy and not care about details.  But this is Eric, and he is different. This example was too good that I now have to share. 

Kayla: "I got toilet paper; it was on sale"
Eric: "Is it Charmin?"
Kayla: *the look that says are-you-kidding-me* - goes into the closet - "yes, actually"
Eric: "Oh good, double rolled?"
Kayla: *the look of death*
Eric: "What?! I'm picky about what touches my butt."
Kayla: *smile* "oh are you now?"
Eric: *enjoying this double entendre*
Kayla: *feeling pretty special*
Eric: "oh yeah"

Although knowing Eric was completely serious about what toilet paper he wants purchased, there is always a little humor to be found, even the dirty kind. Actually, always.

12 days

And does he have a wedding band? No, no he does not. However, two cheers for him because he finally figured out his ring size =)

So where do you find a cheap whatever ring that looks like a ring that doesn't fall off of dainty man fingers that you can get in store or made/shipped/received in 13 days?

I mean seriously . . . the only thing that is not an option right now is a ring pop because that's just too sticky. We do have some standards people. {he keeps insisting he won't wear it; I keep insisting he will; this is not a battle cause my word is gold - for real - white gold/titanium/or something strong - wear it, deal with it, it's happening}

PS - seeing my family and going through the temple with them and Eric was definitely one of the best experiences ever, not just "oh that was the best day" but it's a great feeling of a great beginning. And that's how I am going to explain it for those who ask "how did it go?"

San Diego Temple

I am looking for a lot of men who have an infinite capacity to not know what can't be done. - Henry Ford

I appreciate you few who try to catch up on my life and, to Eric's dismay, his life. Cause we all know I  have to mention him in some way. He's only about 90% of my free time. I don't know if he likes it that way, but I much prefer it. 

So the parents are coming into town and I get to see Rand for the first time in two years. So that's just freakin fantastic.  Eric moved into our apartment last weekend and I'm slowly moving in stuff. It's hit or miss on our luck, but at least we have new carpet and everything is clean. The kitchen may be super tiny, but it's a challenge I will at least attempt. The $15 craigslist microwave may heat up like the morning sun and our eating area may consist of a night stand and pillows BUT HEY it's temporary.  We just found a $10 table!! I still have to work tomorrow and Eric has a midterm (for once he is studying - I know I'm shocked too) BUT Friday is when I go through the temple and I can't believe it's already here. 

The concept of time truly does baffle me. And the greatness of truth is always astounding. I don't claim to know a lot of things, but truth in this life is found in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. You just have to seek for the knowledge and find that peace within your heart and mind. It will come to those who truly want to know. 

Also - coming soon . . . 3 photoshoots! all before the wedding!

I just want to say

Thank you Rachel Johnson - for bringing your angles to my face

Thank you Devon Lamay for dealing with my thick hair, awesome eyes & sun reflection

Thank you Eric Smith for trying to play nice during the photo session
No thanks to the derisive man when we just admired his door.

Here are the pictures I liked from our shoot

by the wonderful Rachel Johnson

{MANY from the bridals, but I can't post them yet ;)}

Finally, we have some . . .

where did I put the dang mirror

I'm sitting here wondering if the internet is a blessing or a curse. This concept of sharing information can be overwhelming from time to time. Have you seen all the self help and mommy blogs that exist? I feel like a new standard has been created for raising children/families, living your life and creating things. Thank you pinterest. Although I have new ideas and have no excuse for boredom, I may forever feel inadequate. Oh Google Reader . . .

So I think we have to balance our lives. I am very entertained by some peoples stories and ideas. I feel like I can grow from them.  I also feel like it's nice to catch up with close family and friends who live on the opposite side of the country. However, I don't want to live the life of anyone else - just me (is this true? yes. maybe, well for now we'll go with yes) and there may be a fine line. You don't want to get so caught up in creating something new that you forget what you have right now is perfect.

We were raised without the internet and look how awesome we turned out.

On another note, I am so proud of Eric. I'm very excited for our life together and although quite anxious, I know we'll figure everything out on our own time.

just like how to fit 140 people in a 100 max room. 

Oh and, Rand is home

Biggest news of the freakin year (if I wasn't getting married) is that Elder Looper has returned from serving as a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for the Brazilians in northern, you guessed it, Brazil.  And it's a sibling's duty to clog up some of that spotlight =)

Welcome home brother. We are so glad to have you back in the states!! I could only imagine the airport welcome and was just about ready to cry in the car when I realized he was still sitting on a plane and I was in my car about 4 states north. Rationality came back in and I just got excited for him. It's a very bitter sweet feeling for a returned missionary (I should know I never served a mission, but apparently I can imagine a lot of things). I get to see him in one week and couple that with my first time going through the temple and you know, that whole marriage thing, you may be able to spell out anxiety attack.  I AM THE WORST PERSON AT ANTICIPATION. I can't wait till I no longer have bladder control.

Roses are overrated

I don't think I'm a wedding planner - but I think I could one day be - if I cared enough about wasting other people's money. It would be easier if I was there and could touch the flowers and taste the food, but alas, I'm just queen googler. 

Like this search on flowers. I basically know what roses, tulips and hydrangeas look like. That's it. It ends there. So how am I supposed to know what to tell the flower lady to order? I sent her some centerpiece pictures and asked her to send me some options. And then I google searched. Here are what I think would be pretty general decor wedding flowers. dun dun dun . . .

moon-lite/shade carnations, Calla Lilies, Chrysanthemum, lavender, Lilacs!, Hydrangea, tulips, Globemaster' Bulb, Anthurium, Muscari, Delphiniums, and Peonies and to some peoples dismay, I still think baby's breathe can be done right. 

Sometimes I think I fail as a girl. Was I raised to smell the flowers and ask what they were called? I don't even think my mom would know and Google (I have no idea how we survived pre-Google life) was nonexistent back in those ancient years. So kudos to all you encyclopedia and nursery nerds. I just walk by and say "those are pretty" just for some man to say something that dies in two days is not worth the price. But my happiness is!! It always comes with a cost =)

...kiddingnotkidding...

I'm of the equator

Next time - those who really want to be with us on that one important day - can join us in Costa Rica. Obviously, sweety, I'm not saying there will be a next time.  But that's my advice for those who have yet to get trapped.  Get out of the opinions and schedule planning while you can. Be selfish. Horrah!

P.S. SO NOT READY FOR WINTER I WILL DIE. I say this every year and I seriously have no idea how I make it out alive. The beginning winter chills taunt me. But good thing I have a perma-snuggle man. Well, until he tells me I'm too hot and wants to turn on the fan instead of getting under 5 blankets. Oh how I love my warmth. I'd so much rather be sweating than shivering any day!

Pam

me: just went upstairs to get some milk

  and the lady goes

  you're out of milk down there?

4:01 PM i say: we're out of everything

  the boss people are in the conference room, i smile when i'm walking by but i get all insecure and all of a sudden wish i didnt go upstairs

  then the main guy comes out and into the kitchen to get a soda

  the lady had told me "why don't you bring a 2% down" i said "okay"

4:02 PM so i'm carrying that out and he says you go for the healthy stuff i go for the bad stuff - i.e. soda. i just smile and laugh.

  i am leaving and she asks if that's full; i said basically, she says "why dont you get a full one" and i just said "this happened to be the one i pulled"

4:03 PM she actually gets up and i said "it's fine, the boys can come up here if they need another one"

  i hate pam.

  and i hope boss man knows it.

 Liz: hahaha

4:04 PM fire her  The joke is, the secretary really is named Pam.  The other half of the joke is that we miss our old secretary Gigi who we may not have appreciated at the time because all we knew was greatness. We never had to go upstairs to get things. We never had to carry it ourselves. And she didn't sound retarded. Gigi has been replaced twice and to no avail, that desk still suffers from incompetence. The joke is that I got the last one fired. I'm sure she left because she couldn't handle it.  I had nothing to do with it I promise! I just make threats and complain when I don't get my cereal. People know not to screw with Kayla's food.