we're all learning together

so I always have a lot of thoughts that run through my mind each day
and especially on Sunday, because I'm always forced to reflect
on my current standing, which of course I second guess every day.


I told you I am used to doing things on my own, and that at times,
I even prefer it.
But I don't know how much I actually prefer it;
I just assume no one else would want to be there,
so it's easier to accept doing my own thing...alone.


I am so grateful for my best friends and family. Seriously,
they keep me going. We are so lucky to have those people who know us so well.
Who laugh with us. I love that. Especially when it's because - we're the same.
We're all learning together.

Lesson #1
I need to work on my character. I think the Lord gives us little "simple" moments
hoping we will pick up on the lesson - so that when the bigger one comes -
we will be prepared with the right attitude.

Case in point: about the man who rear ended me in the parking lot. Today I realized that is connected to this man's story. I heard the story a long time ago. And even after the moment of my fender bender, I had the idea come to me of when true character shines, but it wasn't until today that I put the two together. My experience being super super minute in comparison. But I didn't care about him (the man who rear-ended me)- in fact I was annoyed that he thought I should care. This guy who shared his story could have easily thought the same thing and the world would have justified him. I always look for reasons to justify myself. But he knew - his heart was already prepared and in the right place. I pray I never have to go through what he did because I don't think I would live, but alas my trials will come as I hope they should. It's good to recognize those teaching moments. I hope I remember.

Lesson #2
Trust is a fully loaded word. It's only easy to say.

Case in point, tonight's fireside: "All things are possible through the Lord. Live to be worthy, so in His time, the Lord will make it happen"
- paraphrased from Elder Scott

Although I thought the couple he had do the Q&A at the fireside was the most awkward thing ever, I enjoyed his heart felt love that he shared of his wife. As I doubted anyone would care enough treat me like that - he told me to have faith. And I realized I still lack that. I want to be the wife he loved - the woman who always gave and never took thought for herself. I want to be strong and encouraging, never overbearing. I want to "love being alive" and share that. "Seek to know the will of the Lord as guided by the Spirit." I struggle with that last comment (although the couple apparently do not struggle with anything) I do and will. I have to seek Him by scripture, thought, service, and love. I need that guidance more than ever. I cannot complain about being lost if I have a compass I am not using. Not knowing how it works is a lazy excuse. Thinking I can figure it out on my own is stupid ignorance.

Here is the question to ask yourself
Why do you think we are here? right now
What is our purpose?

Lesson #3
Figure it out.

I don't like sugar coated things.
I like to understand things exactly how they are.
Now it makes sense that I'm an analyst.

Tip: you won't find an objective answer
and you won't find a complete answer,
but you have to narrow it down
and you have to give your life to that purpose
if you want to survive.

Tip: the Lord is amazing at filling in the gaps
which is nice, because sometimes
that is all I see. So then he changes our eyes
and our hearts. and all of a sudden
we may not know why exactly
but we believe.