you try and feel something you cannot touch.

I think this is the reason I get so lost and confused.
I think this is the reason I doubt and lose trust.
I think it comes from my uncanny ability to
analyze the part. There are so many parts that make up a whole.
It's hard to dive past the surface.
And once you're there, it's hard to know what to take in first.
You experience all of the aforesaid {confusion} and then
complete and utter exhaustion without accomplishing
what you set out to understand in the first place.
Yes, we've established that we will never completely understand
in this life, but
maybe it's more than the cliche of just
"stepping back and seeing the bigger picture."
Maybe, just maybe, we were given a heart and the spirit for a reason
and no one can tell you how to feel the heart and the spirit
as much as we try to explain
you have to seek it out. I got it.
Why do we assume the little things don't matter?
How can we assume the heart and spirit are small matters?
Oh but we do, whether we realize it or not.
We assume we don't know what we're feeling.
I assume the little impressions are mindless.
What if it's easier than we thought?
What if it is true...
we were not left here alone. We should not doubt
our significance. What if we could let ourselves feel.
What if we stopped preventing ourselves from feeling.
What if we cared for the right reasons and stopped caring
about all the wrong reasons. What if we just smiled for the sake of smiling?
and stopped worrying about not understanding everything.
I trust God and fear my own weakness.

You cannot analyze the part without considering the entire whole,
yet we will never see the entire whole from this side of the veil.
so what do we do?

we feel in the rest.
and trust something we cannot touch.


[judge me for the pun. i dare you]