late bloomer

My bank account will be feeling sick this week.

But that's the reason for savings?

And the comfort of having a job... solidified next week.

so I found a house. then I found a job. now I have to find another house.

I HOPE I DON'T HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER JOB.

None of it is an "easy" process. I guess it can all be exciting

Forging my future. I get to choose my job, my house, who I date, what i do.

but there are a lot of "what ifs" in that and the options are WIDE

and for someone like me that is a struggle.

I wasn't born to do one thing I don't think, at least I haven't found it.

I have this whole week of vacation before I begin work

I won't get afternoons like this ever again - I feel like I'm wasting it.

Maybe it's okay to just lay here this once, listening to the radio

and chatting with friends pondering about the current situation.

You know how I like relating to and learning from a variety of different people...

sometimes as a curse unto myself. It just means I become a tease

from the goths to the gays. wamp wamp WHERE ARE YOU!?

haha - it's okay, I just kinda hate this filtering process sometimes.

And I like guy friends - but I realize it's almost impossible to have them.

Reality - it's always a tease game. If you really want them there,

you really want them or you're just needy and they satisfy you in some way.

So if I don't have that desire, and your stare isn't bringing me closer...

I'll make myself fade.

That's pessimistic - I'm all about keeping good connections and contacts

So we roll on....

And we just hope it's in the right direction.

It's so hard not to keep one finger in the past - holding that spot

being a late bloomer, I'm always having to catch up

Preparing myself for the anticipated future - that is the new goal

PS - good things from the week

1. organic jelly that is corn syrup free

2. My brother turns 16 today. I spent an hour opening every singing birthday card - twice. Just to buy a non singing birthday card =)

He really is the coolest person I know. I will be so protective of him when he starts dating, and he just hit that age - it's going to be so hard. But she is going to have to be cream of the crop to deserve the go ahead. He is my heart.

3. I love GPS

4. I used coupons for the first time at the grocery store

5. I danced around in my underwear

6. I own the perfect pair of jeans

the end to happiness as we know it.

Concert from last night: Karnivool

and Misery, by Maroon 5 is on the radio. I'm feeling it.