[If they actually start out telling you everything you always wanted to hear and somehow get you to spill your soul over smoothies in the park while understanding everything you are saying - you think there is something wrong with them and you most definitely won't be attracted to them - I hate this fact. You thought you sounded stupid and they found it charming? perhaps these ones just want some too. Of course, they've definitely thought about it, and hey you've thought about whether or not you could. alas, the good (more homely) guy doesnt get any and we're still trippin over the lame/risky (but hot) guy who did. sigh*. ]
Dear Husband: do you get it?
Dear Husband: are you good AND dashing?
"Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."
-C.S. Lewis
Amen.
I don't understand how I can see past the flaws of others and not get off my own. O dear, I hope it's not a weakness to love everyone else. I do. Vulnerability is not a foreign concept to me. It's not easy to be honest. But it's liberating. It's not easy to begin, when you're not sure how it will end, but it's so worth making ideas real and learning from them.
I wonder how many times I will get it wrong. It might be this knock on my door now. Oh, but one of these days I'll be getting it right. I'll finally say I do to the one who lets me talk until I say what I wanted to say or already understands what I meant, who doesn't care that I'm not perfect, who shares his insecurities too, who will open my heart and hold it carefully.
And we can listen to Norah Jones and dim the lights down low. o baby o baby.
If you don't exist. Well, that would suck. I know you can do it. In the mean time, I'll be serving in some other country, getting my masters degree or perhaps just in a little cubicle trying to make ends meet to feed myself and the guard dog. Either way I hear it's not easy, and I never really expected it to be. There is almost a guarantee I will look stupid, but I know who I am and where I want to be, and I will not leave that guiding path that will connect us at some point. mwah!
Current Song: Broken, by Lifehouse
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