Dear Mr. Husband
I was late for my interview today because I got lost. The guy said a lot of people get confused, but I felt horrible. Until I realized ya know maybe it wasn't meant to be. But I'm never late. Just so you know, I'm not good driving with a purpose. I always have to make U-turns. They still want commitment from me and my dad says I need to take what I can get. If I'm 28 before I end up where I want to be, so be it, at least I'd have a job. That's hard for me to eat. What if I'm waiting that long for you. I don't want to be here and I hate doing things I don't want to do (don't worry I can make sacrifices for you). O but right, I don't really remember what I want or what I'm good at. struggle.
Life's been good though. Sometimes I think I have to feel these amazingly spiritual moments that leave me taken back and on the floor in order to have faith, but really, it's not like that for me. I went to the temple this morning, as I've been trying to get into a good weekly habit, and it's slowly changing my attitude. I feel an increased sense of peace and hope. I read my brothers mission letters and to see his strength/faith that has so tremendously increased this past year - makes me elated. I enjoy feeling his sweet spirit. (sweet = last word to describe rand, but those who know him, know the kind of sweet I mean) I am really excited about visiting teaching. It's a gift to feel of God's love for his children. Sometimes I am just spiritually drawn to people and I love them without any particular foundation/reasoning. It's this strong desire within me to make their lives better.
I think I just have to work on not becoming complacent, being patient, and giving my heart to serving others. Like I've said, My time now is to develop the skills and talents that I can use to serve others. My time is now to figure out who I am because when I am confident in where I stand, I can lift others up. It all is about supporting others and it's so easy to lose track of that because we live in a me-me-me world. And it's not like "o after 4 years ill have it all figured out" - living proof that that is not true. It's a life development program - this idea of constant learning and giving back. so i'm trying.
The doctor doesn't cure his patients overnight. But he can make you feel safe and in time, you will feel better. That's what the gospel does. We will still have pain in this life, but it won't last forever. The Atonement can change our perspective and give us eyes that help us see past the pain and the undesirable memories.
Well I've been putting off this dumb class I half understand and mostly don't care about. I need to finish reading because I need to graduate and graduate well. I have no excuse.
Love, me
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