It's Time for Bed

I was reading something (instead of getting ready for bed) and I felt the desire to write. I've discovered at times how I default to: talking about myself, how I relate to what the person is talking about, or other me me me things. I really hope this doesn't happen often. I really think that almost everyone else is more interesting than me (I only say almost because I hate absolute statements). I don't do anything, so i don't know how i ever have anything to say. yet I ramble by default because silence makes me nervous. Maybe perhaps i feel obligated to justify myself, a sign of insecurity? perhaps i'm still trying to discover myself? perhaps i'm just a girl? well well well, this needs to be worked on. I really don't know. Perhaps I just like to share ideas, and for the most part I just let them build up; i think sometimes i just try too hard to get to one answer when it's just not possible and I expect people just to talk, like i do, but maybe i should start asking more questions.

I need to get better at caring even when I don't really care. At the moment, my face is too easy to read. And I'm not good at faking it. I despise fakers, but perhaps sometimes we need to be? I normally just do my time and run out of social situations that force you to have "good manners."

any way. I want to listen. don't hate me when I hear you wrong, don't remember, or cut you off. Trust me, later I will think about this and feel like a total retard. I think that people are fascinating in all aspects. I like it when we can just share ideas. don't be afraid to be bold with me. I need someone to put me in my place.

also i discovered today... you know you love someone, if you see their weaknesses and love them for having them. i think sometimes you begin a relationship just happy to be with someone and you push aside all the negatives. you see how amazing they are and you're happy. but the negatives do catch up with you (sooner or later depending) and either you want to keep with it or you dont. I think if we hold a middle ground it is because we are too scared.

why can't it just click. i really hope my husband will be done getting around to all the stupid girls sooner than later. bah. until then, i guess i have enough to worry about.