Detour

So all of a sudden my whole body just decided to do something different than the usual, and without my opinion they left scars. omg you forget what's it's like to be sick until you're sick, and visa avers. I forget what it's like to be normal. Is it even possible?

Is it possible to sit up without your head paging you like 50 squealing seagulls and weighing you down like a brick added to the bottom half of your brain. Is it possible to even breathe without a bruised chest pounding back? Is it possible to like food again? To have the energy to do anything with your life?

Well I'm just impatient of course, a week of rest is just not okay with me. I did that all summer! And I was ready to work again. Why was I slowed down? Why was a forced into a bed with most of my independence taken away? Why am i now behind... I'm never the one behind...

I've never been that close to wanting to just give up. So far, that Sunday morning at 2am was my lowest of lows, and I don't know if I'll remember how exactly I felt then, when my body has decided to cooperate again, but that is a place I will try avoiding at all costs. *purell*

Ambiguity, waiting, patience, inadequacies, trials, miscalculations...are all frustrating, but I am alive and I am better sooner than later.

I have a lot to be grateful for. Although most of my sleep was interrupted by annoying coughs and calls and texts from loved ones, I definitely appreciated all the concerns and love.

It's not easy to ask for help. Not for me at least. People are just amazing

I'm now nervous to enter the classroom again, but a lot more excited to have that energy; I totally take for granted a body that is capable of walking up stairs and breathing in and out.