this is how it is

oh my gosh... I'm just going to ramble. Sometimes, moments of my life don't always work out right, or maybe they do - i.don't.know - but I always try to make sense of them any way (which is stupid I should stop trying to do those sort of things).

so I think I've totally let wedding fever take over. You can't stop if you have any sort of feminine gene in your body. so - it's the first month and the date is picked, the venue is booked, the temple time is set, the colors were explained, the dress is ordered, the decor is evolving, my ring was re-sized, the marriage counselor can waiver, the doc appointment was a success, the website is created, the announcements are designed, the picture is ...coming along, the guest list is established, the food was handed over, the cake is selected, the ties were bought, did I forget anything else?

Because I only have 71 days.

All of the above seems so calm. In reality, I ask for people's opinion - already having my own - but seeking the approval of others. Turns out everyone has an opinion and you can analyze things to death. I should have started of with "this is how it is." Traditional versus nontraditional. How about I don't care as long as I like it. Hello bridezilla. I think we always have a picture of what we would like to see - and if this is my time to design it and have my name and pictures of myself immersed in it - well - it's going to look exactly like I picture.

and that doesn't involve the type of cake. Oh but custard tastes so good.

And that's that.

except for the fact that it's not.

So on this wedding kick I go to Kinkos to see about this printing announcement gig. Not only was I behind the slowest driver on the planet (welcome to every day in DC - did I tell you how much I hate them!!!) I end up parking further away from the store because traffic is backed up due to people flippin out over their hurricane water bottles (ok I got some too). And heaven knows I wanted to get away from that slow butt van.

So I angrily pull into my spot. I tell myself to breathe and I get out in my black shirt/black jacket and dark jean skirt with flip flops. I just felt like telling you what I was wearing. No make up (no surprise) but didn't shave my legs either. Decided to let myself fall apart without Eric home. So I continue to the sidewalk and this lady comes up behind me and I, for-some-reason-who-knows-why, respond and turned around. I am now facing this lady of 45 who just looks sad. She doesn't look homeless, but sad and humble. She hands me this note card with a sentence on it that says something like please help me feed my children. She's talking to me at the same time explaining how she's from Bosnia and just needs some money to feed her children and that she is sorry to bother me. I thought for only a quick second and realized I had cash from the bill my roommates just paid me back for.

Yeah - $20 freakin dollars. For some reason it didn't seem like a lot at the time. I think she was a little bit surprised and said thank you so much. I told her not problem and good luck. Good luck? Any way - as I walk away I just start thinking about how that was probably a trap. They probably work this place often and then I thought who cares - I gave and it's up to her what she needs and what she does with it.

But still. Today I was a sucker. Most days I am, but I'm typically good at avoiding it. Outside of DC drivers, I don't like DC beggars. They make a living off street corners. The same ones are there every day on my commute. We can't help but wonder if they could have that much devotion to actually getting a job. I may not be the type of person who can just hand out 20 dollars all the time. I pay my tithing and fast offering and I trust the church to pass it on responsibly. Sometimes though, you get the urge to do a little bit more. A friend suggested next time I give a pass along card as well. I do wish the immigrants the best - although I do want them off the road.

At some point in time - all will be equal. But I'll wait for that law in heaven decreed. All things are done in order. I am lucky - and that is my take home for today. I found out my favorite dog, Ripley, died suddenly by a mysterious driver who I am trying not to hate and a close Aunt suddenly experienced a stroke. We had an earthquake in DC that took everyone by surprise and a hurricane is on the way.

Life is precious. I have the love of my life who I can't wait to be sealed to for time and all eternity. I don't have to worry about food on my plate. I have a secure job and a "secure" shelter. I have the support of family and friends. I sleep well at night, so I give back where I can.