rule of 3

The problem is, I want the blind man to see. And if someone does not want the miracle, they will not receive it. In fact, they will treat it in an opposing way.

This is what happened in this situation. We were all friends, and ya know, some still are. You have to remember, it's not the first time for any of us. We know what it's like to be top of our class, our game; we're independent in thought and deed; and it's hard to let just anyone in...close. Typically, we all know how to get what we want, and when we don't, it's a problem we fight to fix. It's something we throw our attention, and consequently, our emotions into.

We all want friends, but lets face it. At this point in my life, I want a lover.

I have what I call the rule of 3. No, this is not in photographic composition, but my guideline for dating. I go on three dates until I decide I want nothing further. (Can I sound anymore conceded?) I feel like after date 3, if I long to be with you more or less - that is telling of the future. Granted, I don't always hit the rule of 3rds, but this helps me know I give a guy a chance, and that me choosing to be single isn't out of haste or false judgment. And I understand more than anyone, that we don't always get it right on the first try.

Here is what matters for a girl #1 you have to have some redeeming attractive quality, at least one of the following: smile, eyes, hair, height, and/or style. I feel like that's wide enough. #2 After 3 dates, I want to know you care and I want to know you can make me laugh and want to talk. It's really simple - nothing mind blowing. #3 Once I kiss you, I will expect security. So don't, do not do it unless you want to keep moving forward. I may try to ignore this, but please know me better.

This has more or less started when I came to DC, except for people here, getting to date one is close to impossible. Apparently, if they even let you into their lives for one day - that is something sufficient. And how gracious are they. Outside of that, we all just hang out and pretend that life is too short and we just want to have fun; having a committed relationship does not fall under that category.

So after realizing women are forced to take more initiative around here, we do. We get to know people and invite them over. I am open and tell guys that I enjoy their company. Heck, I even decided to ask one out. I didn't know much about him, but he was the typical intimidating guy I always seem to be attracted to. The guys that have expectations because they are deserving, and heaven forbid I say it, entitled. I was just looking for good company.

Sometimes, it's a curse to get things you don't have to work for (in this case, he is cursed). I have decided I will never be able to hold a healthy relationship with someone when I have to do all the work. It is easy for me to say I like you. And honestly, I don't even hold back the 'I love you' for long. I go in ready to give you everything because I want that. I want a best friend I can trust. No, I don't just jump into things and lay it all out there, but I also close and open doors one at a time. I have a hard time really caring, so when I do, you'll know. I don't hide whether I do or don't, and so I HATE IT when people do.

It's just hard do keep trusting when... I have every reason not to. And even when the benefit of the doubt fades, I have to leave it for the next one. Because one day, it will be you.

This time it was not. I believe that misunderstandings will always arise. Someone will always get their feelings hurt because they will care more and will expect a different response. If you really do care, you will fight to understand and fight to be there. So if you don't fight for me, I will assume you don't care. I cannot help it. I need a man who takes initiative. The problem is, I care about guys who feel that they can get away with the bare minimum. I like guys who clearly think they have a better door around the corner. It doesn't matter how many cool girls are there, the mystery doesn't settle their hearts. They keep hoping and thinking, the next corner will be it. Eventually, they will either come to the light and just learn to appreciate, or they really will be swept off their feet. Perhaps in God's time, He will show them. I think all too often we are waiting to be the exception.

I keep wishfully thinking I am going to be the one who they are willing to change for. They think one day it will fall into their lap. I prefer a slap across the face.

I really think they try to care. (Is this me giving the unwarranted the benefit of the doubt?) I really think they just don't know how to properly care. So when I call them out and suggest that they don't care, they need to own it instead of pretend like they tried. I can handle people who own their feelings and actions. I cannot handle those who lie to others and themselves. No, you never did try to care. Maybe you're not used to the word trying. Maybe I am just not the girl to make you care. Maybe you just care that I'm a body. What number was this?

"I got to hold her hand" was the sweetest most endearing phrase I heard from a guy in a long time. No one thinks like that anymore. I know men are men, I probably give them too much slack because I know we are different. Girls feel the urge to talk everything out. Talking about it is us getting into it and over it. Guys may need less details, but you want to talk about it too. We just happen to have the issue of emotion. Heaven forbid we feel. When I tell you this is how you make me feel, please, do not downplay it. There is a reason and if you care, you will work to resolve the issue I'm vulnerably explaining to you. It doesn't mean I think you're a bad person, it means, something is amiss and I care enough to want to be happy with you. So guess what, if I tell you my feelings and you apologize that I have those feelings. I will hate you and walk away.

No, I do more than that. I will chew you out, and then I walk away. I am tired of always feeling like I am the only one who has to change. Girls, the right guy will appreciate you. Don't waste your time thinking the wrong ones who can't and lie about it, will come back to apologize.

In this situation, I was arguing with a stump who was completely fine with how he treated women. I write this to be done. He wants nothing further and that is what I suggested when I heard his ability to care for multiple women was ever so set before me on a silver platter. No, as a friend, I wanted a blind man to see. But since he took it as me still being disappointed we couldn't be together, I give up. His arrogance and deceit is repulsive. I don't sit up hoping and wishing; I only seek for any sense of good character that let's me think we could still be friends. Negative. He's right, I made this into something when it was nothing. I should have never done that, from day one - I should have just walked away. Too bad I missed the red light on that one.

From a wise woman: Learning to love to love - maybe that is the lesson. I get up again and realize whether it's another boy or a crooked roommate, I don't have to understand everyone and I don't have to make sure they understand me. Yes, I still think that should be the goal, but we will inevitably fall short. However, we can still love the idea of loving for the sake of following the commandment of the Lord.

To this end we discover, love comes from God who has the ultimate mending hand.